Pensieve

back in action~

2008-01-10T23:40:00.000Z

i dont know why, but everytime i started blogging again, theres this feeling that i wont stay hooked up with blogging for very long. and why do i have that strange feeling each time i compose an entry. its like i dont want people to know that im writing a blog, i tend to be secretive and all, everytime i hear footsteps outside, or even the sound of doors, i'll switch my browser's page and stare at it, hoping that if someone does enter my room, they wont know that im blogging. kinda ironic actually since i am writing a blog, so why be secretive. thats just one of those things that i dont understand.

why do i start blogging again? i dunno. its been more than half a year since my last post, why start again? why now? well, my only explanation on why people blog, or why i blog is because of their emotions. yes thats rite, emo. that includes people from happyville to sadtown. and as expected, im currently undergoing emotional distress sydrome or watever. i know why, but i'll be an a$$hole if i mention it. and 1 more thing, is it considered anti-social to lock your door? what can someone do to around here to get privacy without being labelled anti-social. sometimes i imagine myself shutting myself out from this chaotic excuse of a community. but i just cant bring myself to do it. what happened to birkbeck? why does everything have to change to the worse? ...enough. i think i've done enough damage for now.

confused. thats the majority of the feelings confined within me at the moment. first runner-up would be stressed-out, not of work, but of the surroundings. i have this attitude of trying to please everybody around me, at my own expense. i hate that part of me. it is ok once in a while. but everytime?! seriously... for the record, doors are made so that you can knock on it. to those who actually knock on people's door before barging in, genious - love you. but to those who doesnt, well screw you.

wow, cant believe i havent said anything nice in this post. i guess im just too pissed and annoyed for so long now, had to let it out somewhere. unfortunately, im the type of person that doesnt really tell things to just anybody, but then theres this blog. hypocrite alert. i dunno, i just dont go around telling people of my feelings and my life or watever. honestly, i think all those things i said or tell people are the things that they actually want to hear. kinda of a frabicated truth or something. who cares anyway.

i hope my next post will be something more cheerful or entirely different than this one. and lastly, i'd like to apologize for the whining. i know, after 6-7months,all he's got to write is some whining. sorry for that, gotta let it out somehow. and i'll probably regret saying all these things, i can feel it already. oh well, i guess my ego got the best of me this time. i'll get you next time ego.

freedom, time to go home~ time for PS3~~

2007-05-31T01:44:00.000Z

my exam is finally over~ and its about time as well.. but to my surprise, i wasnt that happy when it finally ended, probably the last paper wasnt as easy as i thought. and theres no unique answer to every question since it AI, theres more than one way to answer.. so i'll never know how well i did until the results are out. as for the first 2 papers (computer organization, and communication), im pretty sure i kinda did my best there, but then again, i felt the same last semester and only managed to get average grades, even on some easy subjects~ i guess i wasnt used to the academic system here.. so there you go.. =P...

now that the exam is over, i have all the time i want to do stuffz, although theres nothing left to do. i dont know if this is normal or not, but everytime im busy, like revising and stuff, i tend to have lots of things to do, like watching drama, animes, surfing, not that any of these are helping me with the revision, but at that time, theres just so much to do.. and now that im free, i havent got any speck of idea of what im suppose to do with myself. watch drama? sadly, watched most of it during revision time... series? all the seasons have ended... shopping? totally 'dried-out', i hope that allowance-raise-rumour is true, and i hope its gonna happen soon...

since the end of the academic yr is coming to an end (probably it already ended).. we have to pack our useless stuffz, and put them into storage. and so we did, it was this morning. it was very tiring, with the girls not even helping, and we boys had to carry all their stuffz or junkz, i think the latter is more appropriate. guys are human too ok, and last i checked, girls have two hands and two feet as well, a little help next time? girls shouldnt do labour work? cmon!! almost half of the workforce out there are female~ get over urself already goddammit!! of coz preparations had stretched the week prior to today. to my surprise, i dont have much stuff in my room!! and yet i'm still almost bankrupt every end of the month!! wtf!!! i dont know where the heck all my money had gone to. doesnt make sense at all. right now, my room is reduced to nothingness, this desk where my laptop sits right now, an empty can of coke to the left, behind it the external HD, and some chargers for my PSP and phone to the right, along with some rubbish. theres also the sad-looking, sheetless bed, and at its foot is an empty cupboard which has its door flung open to see myself reflecting back at me by a mirror. the floor, well the floor is where you can usually find all sorts of treasure, but this is not one of them. theres only a luggage, filled with souvenirs to be brought back home, next to is as an empty container which i forgot to return back to the kitchen. and near it, spreading like a rug, are all my laundries that i need done by tomorrow. near the door is an argos catalogue, sitting helplessly besides a garbage bin.

anyway~~~, gonna be leaving scotland 1st of june for london, and from there a new adventure awaits... and with a new adventure, comes a new post.. so until then~

p.s.: currently so very super-duperly obsessed with YUI~~

the 3 Ps and an R: Procrastinate, PSP, PS3, Revision

2007-05-16T01:46:00.000Z

i never thought writing the opening of a posting is this hard. i have spent 10minutes just to think up of how to open this post... maybe 10minutes is a bit exaggerating, probably 5minutes max... well thats probably the point where i tell myself "wat the heck".. i mean its only a posting anyways. ok, so now that the opening(or i assume it is) is out of the way, a certain question comes to mind, "is this the opening that i thought up for 5minutes?"... ok, that was seriously lame.

first of all, i'm currently in exam season, sitting for 3papers till the end of this month. yup, 1 month for 3papers.. i'm complaining or anything, well maybe i am, but till the end of the month??.. of course its good that i can revise from scratch in between papers, but getting to enjoy freedom late is kind of a putoff.. theres another thing that is bound to happen with papers 1week apart, and that is procrastinating.. yup, thats what i've been doing since the first paper.

amongst other things, my procrastinating activities are mainly PSP and surfing. my monster hunter is finally HR5, and i finally got the Eternal Schism dualswords, which is a pain to get since it involves trial and error, polish, reset, reload, mission, polish, reset, reload, mission... well you get the idea, and i've kept doing it for 2days.. well the reason for getting that dualswords is for fighting the Fatalis. if by this point i dont seem to make sense to you, then by all means google it.. =P...

the surfing part, ho ho~ since im revising next to my laptop, so glancing to the screen every now and then is inevitable. mostly i'll be in youtube, either looking for funny movies, or movie trailers, or random stuffs... i think most of you can relate to this.

i probably must mention this since its in my head 24/7.. PS3!! i must get it, and the latest i can get my hands on it is early july.. which is a month and a half away.. i've even dreamt of it in my sleeps, and theres this feature called PS3 'Home', its somekind of an online community thing between PS3 owners, it looks a bit like the Sims, but this is way better i think. you get your own apartment where you can invite your buddy list or your clans, and you can customize it fully as well. theres also a lounge complete with pool tables, arcades, bowling alleys, home cinema, all sorts of stuffs, theres a video on youtube. just search with "ps3 home".. its really amazing.. if thats not reason enough, i've even googled for the PS3 games, top Ps3 games anyway. theres Resistance: Fall of Man, and MotorStorm... *sigh*... im gonna have to wait for winning eleven and assassin's creed though, and especially assassin's creed.. theres also lair, grand turismo.. and the fact that i need an HDTV as well comes to mind occasionally..

one last thing that i should mention... Elfen Lied... its one of the best anime out there.. theres only 14episodes altogether. apart from being gory and brutal throughout, the storyline is great, and kinda sad as well. i had trouble finding these since there are already licensed, maybe i'll upload it when i'm free. also on the same note, i've finally finished watching summer snow, its a j-dorama.. or japanese drama if it helps.. not satisfied with the ending though, even if its predictable that it could be either of them..

well i guess thats that, i'll have to get back to my communications revision now.. theres only 2days left.. i'll have to finish all the topics by tomorrow and attempt the past years on thursday.. and friday morning will be the exam.. ok, enough~

wyvern hunting and back again...

2007-04-23T19:57:00.000Z

heya, its been a while. been very lazy lately. that and theres not much to update anyways. i dont know why but i've recently started to pick up my psp again and played monster hunter freedom a lot lately, i mean seriously a lot. my hunter rank was HR1 when i last touched it, and now its HR3, yup feels great, especially after beating the four horns urgent quest just to get to HR2, tried a lot of weapons for that quest, and in the end, needed another hunter to finish the job. i guess most of you wont know what im talking about, so maybe i'll just skip to the next topic.. and on that note, it looks like the third yrs need to do the individual project demo after all, i dont even remember how my source code works anymore, well not completely though. and theres also the OS assgmnt demo this wednesday~ sheesh~ other than that, theres nothing academic to look forward for asside from the exams which is starting this may and i havent even print out all my notes yet, not to mention buying textbooks and that is out of the picture anyways..

i guess its still a good thing that we only have 3 subjects this semester, that helps alot, making me lazy more than anything else perhaps. and i also found this blog where it hosts lots of movies, theres even cicak-man in there, but im not in the mood to watch it anytime soon, but hey, thats just me saying, who knows maybe i'll be downloading it next.. moremoviesmammoth.blogspot.com is the place i think, give it a try..

spiderman 3, been waiting for it for ages, finally its going to be showing in cinema on 4th may, and im going to watch it on that day since my first paper is only on the 10th.. heroes will also start again tonite, im gonna wait for it..

i guess thats it for now, im too lazy to proof-read this so excuse the grammar errors if there is any.. got to go wyvern hunting now then~

holidays and the long lost passion~

2007-04-06T00:05:00.000Z

heya~, cant believe its almost 1 week since my last post. maybe i was too busy with easter holidays, although i didnt go anywhere. unlike the 'girls', they decided to go to paris on their own, they are probably back by now and are still enjoying themselves in london.

but~ all is not lost, something good happened to me during this previously-assumed-uneventful holiday. yupz, but then again it seems quite lame though, but i'll just say it anyways. started to go to gym again, i have to keep in mind that i'll have a physical change when i get back to brunei. played badminton today, was fun, but i lost to everybody... hey, im a master of none, what can i do.

saw 'meet the robinsons', its a great movie, far better than mr bean holiday. in fact, its the top spot of my fav movie list at the moment. and on that note, i stumbled upon this anime in fansub.tv, 'nodame cantabile'. its a great anime, funny, and the best part is its about music~!! and i also found out that there is also a live action drama version. so i stopped watching the anime at episode 5 i think, and started on the live action drama. its great!! both version. but then, i have to watch it via aznv.tv, which is streaming, not that its a problem. the problem is the quality is not that great. silentregrets.com does upload them, but only the first episode~ (*@#&%!).. its a pity since the ones uploaded there are good quality, i was so desperate that i emailed them to upload it.. and yet, i end up watching it through aznv.tv...

ever since i watched nodame cantabile, i found out that i have an obsession on classical musics and orchestras. i cant believe this is my passion. too bad i was exposed to music at an older age, but i dont care, as long as there is a way, i'll be a professional piano player, thats my dream.. at least i think it is..

well, i guess thats it for now then.. till next time.. happy holidays~ or not... =P

lame title...

2007-03-31T00:32:00.000Z

heya~, its been a while since the last postings. have been busy lately, or perhaps i was just lazy. been playing command conquer 3 for the past few days, and yes, i've abandoned supreme commander for this.. wasnt my fault, the supreme commander is just too much for my laptop to handle. and i have to say this, command and conquer 3 is just awesome!! if u think generals was great, then this is even better. and good thing they release it during holidays~ yay!

anyways, we're gonna have a function later today, celebrating maulud nabi, aaannnddd, we are going to perform a nasyid of some sort, plus dikir.. yup.. just us 6 guys.. excluding khamis taman of coz.. hahhhaa, yupz~ and since its holidays, i'll prolly continue my gym activities.. have to get into shape~ need those 300's abs~ hahhaha

and one more thing, my left leg's muscle is kinda hurting at the moment, probably the calf muscle, dunno the name for that part of the body, feels like the muscle is stiff, i dunno wat causes it though. its even difficult to walk.

anyway, gtg, playing dota with reiko_ax now.. later days~

Report done!!!

2007-03-27T03:52:00.000Z

phew~, was busy for the past few days, and i didnt even sleep yesterday... all just because of the report that i have been wrecking my brains doing it. the main body was finished yesterday, and i was saving the appendix for today, which of course took the whole day. i thought it was easy. but the testing part was a pain in the $%*#&. to start with, i don't even know how to test my program for errors, i mean theres limited inputs, probably none.. and whats with this black-box and white-box testing anyway? not to mention unit testing, functional testing.. wat the heck?

anyways, since we are only in our third year, the report that were demanded was only 15-20 pages of main body, and up to 50 pages including appendices.. even with that requirement, i am already half dead trying to finish it. but this is nothing compared to the report that is required during the fourth year, in which we have to write up 40-50 pages of the main body itself~!! i know!! thats insane~~.. uber~ hahhaha. just thinking about it makes me cranky~..

anyways... celebration will take place soon after handing in this report, yup, we had it coming. but im still not satisfied with my supervisor. he just doesnt seem to care much, he almost never reply my emails, its not like i want to see him or anything, but each time i want to see him, it will be difficult, i mean i need to show him my work and all, and the report as well.. watever man, i hope he will give me high marks for this.. damn... cranky eh... later dayz~

glorious day~ hahaha

2007-03-23T21:12:00.000Z

it started with a kind of panicky-anxious feeling, this is mostly due to the presentation we had early today. i got myself worked-out for now reason since the presentation wasnt even formal at all. it was a 10minutes presentation, consisting of 4members team. yup, meaning 2.5minutes each, which isnt enough with all of our material if we were to explain it in full length. the lecturer even asks us to skip several slides, hahaha.

then after the friday prayers, we head for cineplex and bought tickets for the movie '300', had to be a 5pm show since k-gui had an appointment with his supervisor at 3.. so the rest of us continued to stroll around the city. bought a pair of shoes for 10pounds, for playing squash that is, since we cant use a black-soled shoes? and i havent got a non-black one. then we visit every game shop to see the long-awaited PS3 for the first time!! i know, its only been launch today in the uk. played a virtua fighter 5 at virgin megastores, wasnt that bad, but then again, virtua fighter is not in my list of games that i would play. dont know why they would put that up for demo, they should put up resistance of men instead.

after that we went back home for a while since its only 3pm by that time. grabbed something to eat from BK, and watched smallville on laptop. wasnt a great episode though, not after lana's wedding episode anyway. by the time i finished watching, its was almost 5pm, so we went for cineplex immediately. the movie was great!! uber!! insane!! the battles scenes were off the chart, even better than apocalypto (not that its a good movie to start with anyway..). as i said, the battle scene was beautiful!! they fight so freakingly organized!! and its in slow-mo to boot~ damn!! if you guys havent watch this movie, then i suggest...no... i command you guys to watch it..

anyways, nite is still young atm, just finished watching supernatural.. have no mood to continue report now, maybe later. right now, im gonna play some games first~ and lepak at ayno's room~ until then~ later dayz~~ =P

wurk wurk wurk?? wat bout the animals?

2007-03-22T14:59:00.000Z

heya~, just woke up at 2pm+. was staying up late doing my report, managed to finish chapter 2.. well that is just a cover-up though, stayed up till 5am watching anime~ hahhaha, yup~.. hmm? wats wrong with my writing today? it seems weird and noobish.. i think i better keep it short then..

oh btw, last nite was most entertaining. i suddenly remembered this psychological questions and started asking all of my flatmates.. well not all though, who cares about the other boys, thoughts anyways.. hahaha.. no offense guys. yupz, there's alot of these interesting answers, maybe i should jot it down here for future references..

omg:
harimau - (+) bebalang2.... (-) ia jahat
burung - (+) bulih trabang.... (-) ia damit

kcl:
unicorn - (+) its beautiful, can showoff... (-) could be harmful when in badmood
dog - (+) coz its cute and small, golden retriever... (-) coz scared it will get lost

gp-g:
kuda - (+) pasal ia laju... (-) pasal taienya bau
squirrel - (+) pasal ia cute... (-) payah kan tangkap

slna:
kuda - (+) sanang jalan2... (-) beria sesuka hati
arnab - (+) pasal ia cute... (-) kadang2 menggigit

dllu:
naga - (+) pasal dapat trabang... (-) pasal ia basar
kuda besayap - (+) pasal ia lawa... (-) payah duduki

n286:
godzilla - (+) pasal ia ada bawa gps... (-) pasal ia lupa bawa torch
t-rex(V) - (+) pasal ia vegetarian... (-) pasal ia kalah arah godzilla

well thats about it... gonna shower now, coz have to play futsal soon, yeah, persistant senior... well, i need the exercise anyways.. so good timing i guess?? i dont know.. till next time then, later dayz~

one more night unnecessarily wasted...

2007-03-21T15:21:00.000Z

ok, so things didnt go as i hoped it would last. i have set this mind set earlier that i will do my report, that is of coz after i updated my sound blaster's drivers, which didnt turn out too well. it so happens that after i installed the drivers and whatnots, something wrong happened to my laptop, probably something in the system clashed, and this blue screen appeared, dumping physical memory stuff, and it happened twice.. so i got no choice but to reformat my laptop. better sooner than later rite.. reformating was easy, with the help of our flatmate technician (is that spelling rite?).. anyways.. as i said, reformating only around quarter an hour, buuuutttt~~ reinstalling all those programs is a pain in the ass~~ too effort!! made me cranky (hahaha, havent used or heard that word for a while now).. so by the time i finished everything, my mood was no closer to writing my report than walking outside at 3am... strangely enough, i managed to sleep at 6am.. hmm i wonder what i was doing?? =P

so, woke up at 1.50pm, got AI class at 2pm.. didnt want to attend... but i had to anyways.. decided to take a quick shower, but to no surprise, the water heater is out, yup, cold as hell, or should i say cold as ice.. only had time to brush my teeth anyways, and so i did. washed face, wet the hair, so that they dont go sticking up at odd places, hahaha. havent eaten anything today, heck, not even a sip of water. so im gonna be off to the kitchen now, hopefully theres something to eat, which is obviously a falsehope anyway, but thats the norm here. after that, i had better be kicking off with my chapter 2...

sound blaster? just like kanon..

2007-03-20T15:41:00.000Z

ok, so my new sound card has just arrived today, well not actually new as i bought from ebay. i guess it does sound better than my previous ones. and it provides quite a number of settings options, the only problem is, im not really an expert in configuring this sound stuff..

anyways, finally got the final episode of kanon2006 last nite and watched it immediately. it was good, but too short for a final episode, it was a good ending though, but as i said, its too short, i guess i missed ayu so much and i didnt get to see her more in the final episode, well i dont want to spoil it here in case somebody might want to watch it.

report!! i'm suppose to give my supervisor updates on my reports!! i guess i better get it going then, before that, i probably wanna check the kitchen out, havent eat anything today.. hmm..

oh btw, i watched AF5 on youtube last nite, and i cant help but drool on fatin!! she's so... i dunno.. cute? lady-like? i dunno, it was definitely my-type-of-girl quality~~ =D~ too bad i cant watch the diari everyday here, not unless someone upload it on youtube.. is that possible though? not sure... ok then... later days~

the first, the rules and the situation

2007-03-20T01:56:00.000Z

well well well... look who's back~ hahaha. the previous blog i had in my frenster account was short-lived as it has only one purpose, and it has done its purpose. well, since this is my first posting here, i'll give you a treat, the purpose was quite typical for a guy of my age and my status, that is to attract the attention of a particular girl, one who took my breathe away, one who... enough of this... yup, that blog's sole target was that particular girl... hold on...

first things first... as usual, i won't use real names here, just instances of the object, and i probably will keep this blog to myself, unless someone stumble on it, either by accident, fate, destiny, or otherwise. if u have, then your lucky enough. i'll probably be posting more in this blog than my previous one, so future posts might be short, but nonetheless frequent... well... i'd like to hope so... oh and... sorry but, i dont think i'll be posting pictures here. unless my cover is blown big time. as i said, i dont intend to be telling my friends about this blog coz i tend to pour out all my thoughts here... yup... all of it... serving me as a pensieve like the one which the late prof D used...

at the moment, i'm currently writing up my 3rd year individual project report. yup.. still chapter 1 though, and the deadline is like 1week from now.. and just about to enter chapter 2: related work. well dont get me wrong, i like to write, i love it~ well unless my future degree depends on it, like right now. however, i still manage to play supreme commander in the midst of all this. the game is awesome, too bad my laptop can barely run it. well, for the record, its 2.07am where i am, just in case.

anyway, it looks my file copying is about to complete, took 40minutes, crazy... anywayz... later days~ (didnt proof read this, so sorry for any grammatical error) =P